A string of fake (translators') pearls

Many a natural pearl of wisdom is mislaid as lost in translation. The translators cultivate them in their shells, and then take a lot of pain to publish them. The breeders often insert grains into shells, so the pearl forms around them. Such grains are presented here, hoping to inspire the translators to grow even larger ones. So here are the intentionally bad translations, based mostly on ignoring the context. Other dirty tricks are not off the table. The translation back into English is often much longer. This is to avoid going back to the original word, so a description is used to denote its meaning in the shifted context.

(enough of this, get me back)
English can be translated to Serbian as ...and than translated back as
all in good time svi u dobrom ritmu everyone in good rhythm
sve u provodu everything in entertainment
ball bearing fan navijač koji nosi loptu guy rooting for a club and carrying a sphere
lepeza sa kugličnim ležajem a chinese fan mounted on a ball bearing
ventilator koji podnosi kuglu a ventilating device which can suffer a manacle
be home soon budi kuća uskoro be a house in near future
beg: I beg to differ prosim da bih se razlikovao I am a beggar so that I be different
billboard kljun ploča beak plate
predlog zakona odbor proposed law committee
blind date ćorava urma sight-impaired dactylifera
camera of choice fotoaparat izbora camera of the elections
can't forget a single day ne mogu da zaboravim jedan nevenčan dan can't forget one unmarried day
ne mogu da zaboravim jedan jednokrevetni dan can't forget one one-bed day
carbon dating zakazivanje randesa indigom making a private appointment by carbon-copy paper
izlasci sa ugljenikom going out with carbon (and not oxygen, phosphorus or any other element)
change from major to minor pretvoriti se iz jačeg u slabije to turn from stronger into weaker
preći iz dura u mol switch from a major key into a minor key
presvući se iz majorskog u maloletničko change of clothes from major's uniform into juvenile clothes
promeniti se iz ovećeg u omanje to be transformed from largish into smallish
change period with comma in numbers promeni menstruaciju zarezom brojnošću alter the menstrual cycle, using a comma, by outnumbering
vreme promena zarezom, napisano brojevima time of change by comma, written in digits
civil suit civilno odelo opposite of uniform, the civvies
građansko udvaranje bourgeois courtship
grupa civila a band of civilians
coat of arms jakna od ruku a jacket made of hands
kaput od oružja a winter coat made of weapons
cold in these parts prehlada u ovim ulogama flu in these roles
come to pass prići propusnici approach a day ticket
common sense zajedničko čulo a shared sensory organ
prost osećaj a simple feeling
cotton sticks pamuk se lepi cotton gets glued
current issues tekuća pitanja liquid questions
strujna izdanja electric editions
everything you can't conceive sve ne možeš da zatrudniš all the time you can't get pregnant
fair: I think it's only fair mislim da je to samo fer (za "nesebično" treba truda) I thing it's no better than "fair" (needs effort for "selfless")
mislim da je samo plavokosa I think blonde is her only color
mislim da je to samo vašar I think it's just a fair (not a regular retail outlet)
feel: it's making me feel this way zbog toga se osećam ovako because of that I feel like this
nagovara me da se osećam ovako it's persuading me to feel like this
tera me da pipam ovaj drum it's forcing me to palpitate this road
fill in this form napuni ovaj kalup pour into this mold to the top
zatrpaj ovaj obrazac shovel this model over
natoči u ovaj oblik pour into this shape
fire chief vatreni poglavica the flaming head of a tribe
otpusti glavnog  
cease employment to the main guy  
free range chicken živinsko za besplatni štednjak poultry meat for a no-charge oven
oslobodite kokoš iz krajine! liberate the chicken of the frontier!
here I go again on my own ponovo ovuda idem po svom sopstvenom I am taking this path once more over my proprietary
I feel free džabe pipam I touch in vain
if that's the way it is going to be ako je to put to ide da bude if that is the road, it goes to happen
ako je to put onda će biti if that is the mode then it will exist
join the club sastavi batinu assemble the bludgeon
pridruži palicu za golf associate the golf stick
just for the record pravedan za ploču equitable for an LP
zaslužen za evidenciju earned for evidence
kitchen sinks kuhinja tone kitchen falls beneath
labor day radni dan workday
dan trudova a day in labors
lead scientist olovni naučnik apprentice made of lead
mess hall hodnik u neredu corridor in disarray
naked conductor runs through the bus go kondukter trči kroz autobus barenaked ticket checker sprints through the public transportation vehicle
oil drum uljani bubanj percussion instrument which uses unspecified kind of oil
out of order van narudžbine outside of what was on the ordered quantity
preko reda jumping the queue
iz reda from orderliness
iz naređenja from the command
pardon my French pomilujte mog Francuza show some lenience towards my French one
pomilujte moje Francuze caress my Frenchies
d'izvinete na mom Francuzu if you'd excuse me for my Frenchman
pocketbook: he opened his pocketbook otvorio je svoju džepnu knjigu he opened his paperback
power to the patients snaga pacijentima strenth to the patients
vlast pacijentima authority to the patients
struja pacijentima electricity to the patients
property: get away from my property beži od moje osobine flee my characteristic
propose a toast ponuditi brak dvopeku offer marriage to a rebaked bread
relief column kolona sa smenom a file of soldiers coming to relieve the currently posted
stubac za olakšavanje a weekly article by the writer in charge of comic relief
run for cover kandidovati se za izvođenje tuđe pesme to be a candidate for the office of playing a song of another author
trkati se za prekrivač race for the blanket
bežati zbog poklopca flee because of the lid
safe and sound sef i zvuk armored deposit box and auditory sensation
scenery scenario script of a play (not an artificial pearl - found it on Panoramio's translation into Serbian)
Sharp art on cover draws one to this book. oštra umetnost na izvođenju tuđe pesme crta keca na ovu knjigu severe artistry on the performance of other author's song outlines a digit of one on this book
showstopper čep za predstavu cork for comprehension
zatvarač za emisiju shutter for broadcasting
speaker: an excelent pair of speakers ready for the stage odličan par zvučnika spreman za stupanj excellent stereo ready for the grade
spoiled milk razmaženo mleko pampered milk
pokvareno mleko malfunctioning milk
square: Madison square garden medisonska kvadratna bašta the rectangular garden of Madison
there just isn't anywhere better to be tamo pravedan nije ma gde bolje biti over there righcheous is not better to be at any location
there's no such thing as a free lunch tamo nema takve stvari kakav je slobodan ručak out there no such object exists similar to a lunch in liberty
time after time vreme posle vremena the time after the end of time
ritam iza ritma rhythm behind the rhythm
vreme po vremenu weather depending on time
vreme po vremenu time depending on weather
treat: why you treat me this way zašto me častiš ovim putem why do you pay me drinks/food along this road
zašto me častiš ovim putem what's the occasion to buy me this road
try harder sudi tvrđe judge more stiffly
unionized flag carriers aviokompanije sa sindikalnim zastavama air transportation companies with trade union flags
nosači nejonizovanih zastava bearers of not ionized flags
nosači zastava učlanjenih u sindikate bearers of flags which (flags) are union members
whole bay leaves ceo zaliv odlazi everybody is moving out of the bay
won't you let me take you on a sea cruise zar me nećeš pustiti da te držim za morsko krstarenje will you not allow me to hold you by a maritime cruising
zar mi nećeš dozvoliti da te najmim na morskom krstarenju will you not allow me to hire you on a seafaring cruise