Translation

These two elders and the old folk song of half-mocking nature have this final lyric in each stanza, which took a life of its own and became something to say to anyone who's talking rubbish.

Another memorable translation of Alan Ford, by Nenad Brixy

Said about anyone who engages in something, hoping to be noticed and perhaps awarded (a position or a prize). In the movie "Balkanski špijun", the quote begins with "and on the Security Day, ...".

Asylum inmates from Vršac and Kovin brag at their annual convention. Guys from Vršac: we get cooked food every day, the beds are nice and soft, and if we behave they let us into the swimming pool. Guys from Kovin: same here, but we get to use the pool every day, and if we behave we also get water in it.

This is from the Alan Ford comic. The character saying this, Bob Rock, is always full of big plans and does take steps to make them real, and fails, of course.

At the exam to leave the lunatic asylum, one patient answers all the questions correctly. - Congratulations, everything is correct. How did you achieve that? The examinee taps his temple with a finger and says - Heh, the kidney works.

- But, dad, Australia is so far away... - Shut up and swim!

customer to butcher: do you have a boar's head? butcher: it only looks so to you, because of the haircut

- mom, how come you're white and I'm black? - don't ask... what a party it was, it's a good thing you aren't barking

A rabbit is running away from Bosnia, and keeps rushing the ferryman. - ok, we're going, what's the rush? - they are castrating bears in Bosnia. - but you're a rabbit! - eh, until you explain that you are not a bear, balls are gone.

Lunatics in the asylum yard watch a guy on a ladder painting a window. One suggests to yank the ladder so he'd fall. Another dismisses it, the guy won't fall, because "he is holding to the brush".

Kids asked Mujo to buy some toys. He promised, instead, that they'll have a brother to play with. Fata gave birth, the kid grew up a little and the brothers now played with him. One morning, Mujo asks the kids: - Where's the little one? - Fell into the well! - Eh, long it lasted to you!

Lala* had a hat, and wore it for fifteen long years. The hat got all worn out, so Lala decided to buy a new one. He went to the same shop, and said at the door "Here I come again" * Lala (literally: tulip) lives in Banat - between Hungary, Romania, Danube and Tisa; generally fat, speaks slowly and with long accents, his wife Sosa is generally willing (with the neighbor) while he isn't really eager; always clears his debts.

From Alan Ford, where Bob Rock mentions this phrase whenever he gets tickets for 122. row and can't see a thing.

Once they launched Mujo into orbit with three pigs. After a few orbits around the Earth, a certain bell rings. The pigs open up a compartment, take out an envelope, unwrap it, find instructions inside, and start doing as they read: reprogram the ship's computer, adjust the orbit, check the scientific instruments etc. Few orbits later, the same happens - they open up a compartment, take out another envelope, read the instructions, do as it says: reprogram the computer, adjust the orbit, check the instruments etc. The guy starts wondering - like, who's the boss around here? Who's the more advanced life form? Next time the bell rang, he jumps to the compartment, opens the envelope, and the instructions read: "This is for you, Mujo: feed the pigs and don't touch anything"

The fun begins around 2:45... as the passengers from the bus get to attend a local funeral along the way, the newlyweds sneak out to have a quickie in the forest, and then they all come to watch them. The imbecile son of the bus owner says "daddy, I'd like to do this too".

Lala and Sosa took a walk on a sunday morning, nice day, lots of people... and there goes one sexy chick in a tight mini and calls "Ciao, Lala!". Sosa: who was this one? Lala: that's my mistress. Wow! Sosa didn't expect him to be so open, maybe he's kidding, so she says nothing... but there goes yet another, just as sexy and tightened up, and goes the same "Ciao, Lala". Sosa: and who's this one? Lala: that's my kum's mistress. ... Sosa: ain't it that ours is prettier?

Lala came to the railway station and asked the dispatcher where is the train to Kikinda. The dispatcher takes him to the train, then Lala goes: - Is this car going to Kikinda? - It does. They get to the second car, Lala goes: - And this car, does it go to Kikinda? - Yes it does, of course. The dispatcher goes on his business down the train, and Lala asks him the same question at each car. He finally gets fed up and asks: - Are you sorta screwing with me? - As early as from the first car.

Tomcats went to screw cats, and reluctantly allowed the little tomcat into company. They climbed the roofs all night, froze their asses off, but found no cats. At some point the little tomcat says "I had enough of fucking, may I go home now?".

Haso went to England to make some cash, and soon really returned with lot of money. Mujo asks how did he earn so much money. - Well I played poker, says Haso. - But you play poker badly! - In the first game I asked to see the hand of the guy who said he had a royal flash, and he answered that they play by consciousness and honesty. Then my cards started going well!!!

Baca and Živa (two most common nicknames for Lala) gossip about everyone in their street, and in the end - god spread you, everyone is such or other, only you and I are good for something - ah, leave yourself out...

I know it's an american toon, but the translations and specially the voices of Đuza Stojiljković (as Duffy) and Nikola Simić (as Bugs) have long ago achieved cult status.

From "Balkanski špijun" (Balkan spy). The guy is suspecting everyone around, specially his tenant, and this is how he reacts after a few wrong number calls.

Channel in this context is the pit under the car where the mechanic works, as in the case of the slow camel, where the fix was to get the animal "on the channel", and ti have its balls hit by two bricks from each side. The camel sprinted away, and its owner asked "how do I get to it now?". "On the channel!".

A guy arrives to hell and gets to stand in a pool of shit, deep exactly to the mouth. He comments to his neighbors: "hey, this isn't as bad as I feared". Answe: "Don't make waves!".

A cop pulls Mujo over and starts going over his bicycle - no bell, no light, no rear light, no brakes... - That's quite a list, it's going to cost you a big fine. Why are you laughing? - Haso is coming behind me, and he doesn't even have a bicycle. Just thinkin' how much will you charge him...

- Mujo, bro, why are you in such a sad mood? - Don't ask bro Haso, I was raped by a bear! - Oh, bro, that's bad... Does it hurt? - (sigh) Look, here, how wouldn't it hurt? Two weeks passed, no letter, no postcard...

The little Montenegrin wasn't speaking until age of six, and then once during lunch he said "and where's the salt?". Why didn't he speak so far? "Well it wasn't unsalted".

Son brings lots of bad grades from school. Dad takes him to some rubbing. - Do you smoke? - No. Well, one or two sometimes. - And what do you smoke? - "Morava" from Niš. - Some level. Here, take a mali Bora (Marlboro). Do you drink? - Nooo... sometimes, at a party, one beer. - Beer? Here's a whisky, have one. Are you looking up chicks? - Well, some, a little, from "Start" [magazine]. - "Start"? Ouch, who made you... Grab this "Playboy". Open the centerfold. - Au... who fucks these cookies? - A students, son, A students.

A classified ad from about 1992: "Fića on sale, 260DEM. Starts, goes." That would be about 130€ or $175. Fića was the national small car, made by Zastava until about 1981, derived from Fiat 600, long before they made the Yugo.

"And so we hit from this side, and Germans from the other, then we charged and then they charged and it took all day." "And how did it finish?" "The forester came and ran as all out."

Previously this was called "kick ticket", i.e. kick in the ass. To be refused or just told to fuck off. The high heel version is when coming from a lady.

In the late sixties, when Politika newspaper had a gossip column, they asked the newly wed, childless celebrity folk singer Lepa Lukić whether they plan to have children. Her response "we're working on it" (phrase stolen from the current politicians' lingo) was memorized in the language itself.

This is from "Balkan express". It begins around 0:55, when the Gestapo guy turns his attention to Bora Todorović, who first confirms he's a musician, then denies it, then...

Mujo was arrested as an espionage suspect. He was tortured day and night but they couldn't get anything out of him. Then they installed a camera in his cell to see if he will mutter anything to himself. They saw him banging his head against the wall, repeating "remember it, bro, remember anything!".

- Mujo, did you read "The bridge over Drina"? - What, read? Walked!

Another one from Grunf... mostly pointless and irrelevant, so it is quoted when someone says something that's true but useless. From the italian original: chi vola, vale chi vale, vola chi non vola, e vile

We can only assume this used to be counted from one to five, and was shortened to this. Nobody remembers any other way, and everyone knows this way. No explanation, no source.

Pronounced in Croatian (Serbian would be "videćemo, što bi rekli slepci"), quoting Brixy's memorable translation in Alan Ford comic.