The Republic day show at school, that is at komitet. I was looking for Višnja all over the place, but saw her nowhere. Then Slavko lined up the choir on the stage, she's not in there either. Ouch. Did something happen?
And then there she was, in the spotlight, with the most dreamy pose and expression, all features perfect. She started reciting some revolutionary poetry, not looking down on the paper, in macedonian. Oli Boj and another girl (sister-by-uncle to Zova, probably the younger of the Smetovački sisters) and two guys with guitars were singing the very original "Biljana platno beleše" (which is like the reflex choice anyone makes when asked to name one macedonian folk song... we all heard it hundreds of times). The overall effect was stunning, Višnja did better than great, this was art. Too bad they didn't have the time to do a mic test, so she first stood too far and wasn't heard well, but she did fix that after just a few seconds. I don't remember anything else, I was just watching her. I was there when she came down from the stage, to congratulate her and encourage - I know how that feels, you have no clue whether what you did was any good. I spilled all available superlatives, and that was all very close to truth.
And I walked her to school, and along the way I told her about that, still unedited, kind of movie I shot this summer in Borik. Then went on about my next idea, a portrait movie. Where I first need to know the person, her preferences, likes and dislikes, the characteristic moves, habits, loves, how her day goes. Of course I knew it will be her, and maybe she guessed, but I left that unsaid. Let her mull over the idea first over the holiday (29th is the Day, so tuesday will also be a day off, see you on wednesday). Later, when she gets used to being onscreen, shooting will go more relaxed and natural, much easier to do. She was enchanted with the idea.
Of course I'm in love. Does she feel the same?
At school we were having fun. Zova, Bajče, I and Tejka, the rear row, thumbs in mouths, rocking on our chairs in sync. Or when Bajče said "we shold have such silence here to hear a flea chopping wood". Zova: "professor, why do you get so annoyed, you know that is not healthy".
Walked Višnja home, but it wasn't the same, D.M. was between us, all fresh and shining with her new hairdo with short bangs - which somehow accentuates her eyes, all nice and dandy, but, eh.
29th spent whole morning in DC-99, gathering ideas for the "Portrait of a Višnja". The further it goes, the more I imagine it as an expression of love, as something that happens between the two of us. I got to the point where it seemed like something that will happen by itself, by its own momentum. Knowing that I won't see her for three days, I hypnotized myself into bringing her into my dreams, and she came. Twice. The second dream happens in a few months, when we're already a couple for a number of weeks - that's exactly the feeling I had in the dream. Woke up and had trouble separating the reality from it.
The plans for doček are wobbly. Don't even have the gang to do it with - the folks from ruža are half of what they were, and most of the girls are now somewhere else. At school there's the opposite problem, too many girls (there's again a completely female division in first and third year, and one of the social sciences divisions is only four guys with thirty girls). No way that I'd be the host for the third time, and yet we don't know who'd be a likely candidate. Everything's unknown, and there's only one month left.
26-XII-2020 - 7-VIII-2025