I'm resuming my english classes with Sofija this week. Tejka will go too, starting from scratch, she knows nothing. I think she's using it just an excuse to visit more often, and to be away from home. But who knows, she may learn some. Of course, she'd stay a little after each lesson.
I actually spoke with, and proposed to be a boyfriend to, the cute girl from the first row. I wrote down the long dialog, no more so circumspect as before (or as in other such situations) but eventually it's still a no. And it would be physically unfeasable, though - I said everyone in my class, excepe Sredljak and me, is from some nearby village. The places I don't really know, never went there alone, and even when I did, it was with dad, in daylight, seeing folks with whom he was dealing professionally. So, an uncharted territory for me.
By 5th I tried to get an explanation from her, on the subject of why not, and got some "can't explain, won't explain, it's not what I want" undefined speech. Ah the troubles with communication we all had then. Couldn't speak openly, for any excess of sincerity could be ammunition for someone's mockery at the worst possible moment. So we never knew what the other thinks, it was mostly a negotiation between two mutes with good intentions but distrusting everyone, including each other. Not that the fear of being mocked by neighbors or self-appointed chaperones and other guardians of the public morale was the worst - there were always stories about early pregnancies which ruined lives this way or other. Abortion was easy to get, it was anonymous and free, but it left one feeling vulnerable, guilty and it wasn't perfect, there were cases when health took a hit. And in some cases there were no pregnancies in the future.
Actually no, the explanation which wasn't was the day before; this time it was just silence. OK, stay silent, I tried.
In the evening we all met downtown, and we agreed to meet in front of Prleski when we finish buying what we had. At some point Tejka and I noticed that Duca and Dragana are gone. Seems the two of them played a prank on Tejka and that was mostly Duca's doing, but I didn't write down what it was, and now I have no clue. So the two of us took a long walk up and down the štrafta (ie. promenade), and she spilled the beans - a long long personal history, which made me change my mind about her. It's not that she's hysterical or nervous or capricious, it's that she's so worried for the fate of others. She was so worried about Dragana and Gradivoj, slept badly for weeks. She and Duca would unload their burdens on her and go off lightly, and sleep well. So she has a lot of understanding for everyone, and gets none in return. For which she's partly to blame herself - should have let her head hit the wall sometimes, so she'd learn and have less trouble later. And I told her so. So two days later a dialog like this goes
Dragana: hey that guy is hitting on me... what do I tell him
Tejka: whatever you want, it's your thing, I don't give a tick
- what's up with you today, you so wrapped up?
- wrapped up, so what.
- shove it
- you too
And Tejka says it's much better now.
Around this time I once went with Zova, during an empty class, some professor failed to appear, to an incredible place I didn't knew existed at all. An express restaurant, which was in a passage between one of the houses between the school and the hotel Central on the next corner, and the river. It seems to have been some storage previously, and was retrofitted to this purpose, just like most of the old buildings were, several times over. I theoretically knew what an express restaurant was, should be something like a mess hall, where you take tray and drag it over the railing along the warm vitrine where the ready meals are displayed, pick what you like and pay at the end of it. It's the first time I went into one, and later I heard the story (unverified and unverifiable) that this was the oldest one in the country. The other cultural shock was that I had burek with meat (ground). I always thought that it was with cheese and nothing else. I guess I was still taking the culinary limitations as a given. Well, there's some experience and the feeling you're trying things you never did. And the burek wasn't bad at all.
This was about the last chance to see the place, because right behind the corner the Trpeza was being built, with a much better express restaurant.
Ninth, some piece in theatre (I completely forgot the title). Some guy went class to class selling tickets, but only Sredljak and I bought the tickets. The geography teacher (an old maiden, who liked boys and despised girls, changed her surname because it translated into something like little fart) asked "why don't you travelers enjoy the advantages of the city as a cultural centre"... but no takers. I tried with that little one again, just for kicks, knowing she has an aunt in the city, and she said "someone would have to escort me to aunt's" - "Well here I am, though I wouldn't trust myself", to which she laughed heartily. It's still a no.
Tejka had her first english lesson at Sofija. Had a horrible stage fright, was nervous all over, until we went in. And then it was all the ordinary, just one room, this girl speaking quite normally and being quite helpful. I sat through the first lesson. When that was over, we just sat and talked, heard some gossip about other professors (she was teaching in gimnazija now) and that was it.
In the evening I didn't feel like going to theatre alone, and passed by ruža and, good luck, met Duca, Dragana and Tejka. Duca was in great mood, so consequently Tejka was all gloom. Actually, with the correction of few days ago, this was her regular rage. I stayed with Duca all evening... something's cooking here. She stood by me as soon as we met and didn't leave me. Then we wasted all the matches just for fun, and when the other two wanted to drop by the park to have a smoke, I said the park would be largely unsafe, with all the maniacs there, so we skipped that. She whispered "good pullout, they'd have lynched us if they found out we have no matches". "Wow, really, didn't think of that". "Never mind, let's screw them again... they'll go behind the church for the smoke... so... right, now we go back". We went around the church the other way, she bought a box of homeland (i.e. "Filter Jugoslavija" and matches) and then we stood so that we were around the corner from them, behind the church, unseen. We didn't show up until they started towards the theatre, and then they had to wait. We entered the theatre together, checked our coats on the same wardrobe chit, sat together in the same cubicle on the gallery. We usually picked the side ones, even though the view is worse, because we are less visible. This time, though, we didn't find one for ourselves, so it was the hand over the partition... well, accidentally.
So next day at school I asked her if she remembered the talk about "if there was a couple among the four of us, would the four split", she said "won't split". "What if I proposed an experiment... say, a week, just to see what would happen?". "Dunno", but when I said "proposed", there was some glint in her eyes, and a bit of that half-smile. Now whether there was a moment she was waiting for, and whether it was something to her liking or not, I don't know.
About doček - if I pass with excellent, it's a go. Trouble is I have fives only in russian, maths, latin and biology; the rest is worse, down to a two in history. Well the historian was a strict guy who instilled fear in everyone - though he'd usually do it the first year and then wouldn't be bothered much to insist on it later, the preconception would work by itself. So, a tough proposition, specially that doček is two week before the end of semester, and then there's a few days preparation, who knows how it will stand at the time, will I make it? If not, mom said "you do it anywhere but here", and the moms of all three said "it's OK at his place and nowhere else". So, tough. I'll have to squeeze through somehow. And then dad said one evening "oh just let them, fuck their mother" (just an expression, "who cares"). So we won. Tejka just had to kiss my mom for this.
My granma hit the red button when she mentioned, in front of Tejka, that she thinks I don't have a girlfriend. She said she doesn't have a boyfriend, so what - there are so many people who think that I am the one, that it almost makes no difference. Easier this way. Yeah, right, and how many nerves have you wasted over Sarča?
On 17th, Tejka and Duca came, english lesson for her and just pure fun for us. Duca sat on the floor by the couch at some point, and I sat with her and we were still like that when she came back. Tejka was in a foul mood, even dad noticed, said "I didn't know her like this". Duca and I, on the other hand, were very close, and I would have asked her, if only we could be alone for a few minutes, but that didn't happen.
Did happen the next day. Again, somewhat circumspect, in the corner of the hall at school, "don't know whether you're cooking me or not but... whichever it is, you succeeded... will you?". To which she agreed, mildly, I said "wait, not so unwillingly, yes or no?" "yes". And that was it, the bell rang and we split.
And all these fifty years I thought it was arranged through the other two, that I never actually won a girl, it was (almost) always that I was somehow pre-chosen or set up by friends (mine or hers)... and now I find that this was actually the right thing. Eh, memory, old liar.