19-VIII-1972.
People slowly returning from vacations. Dragana is back, Slavka, Bosa...
Sixteenth, with Jozda in the end, after being with the gang in Dom. Tried with some younger girls, halfheartedly. CD shortened his nose and hair.
On 17th I was with V's brother at some girl's to show her the movie of her wedding. Good time, good wine. Saw V. too, still sweet but can't come to terms that she's (or was) with Tupek (who was that?).
Yesterday, a letter from Inge. Seventeen kisses for my birthday, afraid that I maybe forgot her for the letter still didn't arrive, write soon and do not forget me. By this time I already wrote five pages to her, later added three more.
Vasa recounted to me a long fight he had with his dad about wearing a beard. Generally it revolved around the folksy classification - brada znanja (beard of knowledge - what doctors wear), brada zvanja (of profession - priests) and brada sranja (of bullshit - everyone else), and don't you dare compare yourself to Marx, Engels and Lenin, they deserved their right to wear them. Of course, he won the argument but still didn't win the right.
Shame, though. It's almost a decade since the Beatles started this, and we still aren't equal, still have to fight for our right.
Yesterday, when I was getting batteries for midnight rock (ponoćni rok, abbr. porok - vice) and meds for mom, I met Jana, a girl from near bager, year older than me... always interesting but off limits, for age. Just stood in front of the supermarket and chatted a little, when she eyeballed me up and down and sa id "how you changed... grew, you come somehow taller than you were.. became a man".
Um, yeah, the benefitial influence of the sea, sun, salt, pine and a little blonde.
Meanwhile I heard that those three movies arrived on the first of august back at Narodna Tehnika, but then Višnja already moved (which I found after some extensive asking around). What can one do now.
The movies were more success than we thought - us and the kino klub of Kranj were selected to represent the country in some international study of what the youth of the world do, want, what are they interested in. The study is done by Unesco, and our movies will be sent to Geneva, where they'll copy them and study, and will return the originals (nope, we got a copy, and a bad one, the copy was out of focus and, in today's terms, the resolution was halved). No travel, just tapes go. So Skule's balls (there's a cadre with him in a rocking chair, shot from below, where the balls throw prominent shade) are elevated to UN level.
On war footing with Tejka. She fooled me well a few days ago, promised to be there on friday then didn't, and now she asks me to take her cigarettes, she can't fit them into her jeans. I flatly refused, said to throw them away. She tried to reason with me later, like "what was that".
- you already got two packs at my place.
- one.
- two and this will be third. And you say bring me in the evening, and I come and you're not there.
- you didn't come
- want a dozen witnesses?
- I didn't see you
- I saw you
- so why didn't you find me
- ah yeah right I was just about to run after you shouting hey wait here are your cigarettes
- well take it this one time
- nope, shop closed, chairs upturned, done.
And I just turned and left. I may be a friend and help and do favors and whatnot, but I'm not a do-it-all-Caty.
Another thing got resolved, though not completely. Almost every evening I see B. and Theatre. While B. still talks with me at times, but Theatre, as soon as she spots me or Gavra, turns around, moves somewhere, pretends that we don't exist. (ah, Gavra returned from slava, dead tired from reveling; Lazar brought the tapes of what we shot in june, turned out excellent). Well, these days I enjoy just sitting on the side, watching, thinking. So I made another attempt at B. while telling her I'm trying to ignore Theatre as much as she's trying to ignore me, and I got a "don't torture me", which was a strange choice of words.
I imagined there may be some secret inside, something I may even help with.
The letter to Inge took me two afternoons and a night. About how people are different on a vacation, and then go back to their gray civilized lives. I'll never forget you but now you need to try to forget me, and go on with your life.
On 19th, after sending the letters (wrote to others, shorter of course), I concluded it was time to close the chapter and recapitulate the year. Because all my plans were fulfilled - except perhaps going alone on a vacation, but this was as close as it gets, I was everywhere, only shared the tent and the table with my parents and granma. Now was this all me, or was I insanely lucky at times?
The remaining plan for the next couple of years is to get into the academy (film) and to lose virginity.
On 22nd met Miljka - she being exactly two days younger than I, we should celebrate birthdays together, day in the middle. In the evening the crowd split as early as 20:30, wow, so Gavra and I went my place, reran our crazy movie (really, what was that about?) and planned further.
Next day, busy all day. Went to police HQ to pick my passport; to Dom to talk to the art director (accidentally one of the local poets). Found the Third Girl, says nobody knows any address for Višnja, she just vanished.
In the afternoon Veca and Sneca came with one of those two girls from then neighborhood, the darker one, and it was all good fun. Mostly mocked Sneca on when does she mean to grow up, why was she mad at Wolfey, and why does she keep mentioning him and the rest of the hat club, as they are all amoral guys.
In the evening Gavra mentioned he'd have a try with Duca so we dropped by Proleter first. That's a shoe shop, right in the middle of main street, which is just as far as the korzo extends - the street goes a bit narrower from that point, so that's just one shop behind the turning point, when the southeastward column makes an U-turn and becomes a northhwestward column. This is where the IV4 was gathering before and after the school, starting about this spring or so.
At Dom, regardless of the kermes being scheduled for the next day, Tejka tipped me off as the birthday guy, and kissed me first, then dragged me off for others. Dragana kissed me full seventeen times (I could have shaved, really), then the rest did, Slavka last.
B. didn't want to kiss, I guess so she wouldn't lose her hag in the process.
A liter of white vanished while you said penknife (sounds sharper in serbian). Jozda, Gavra and I danced like mad, though the former still has to learn that 1,5m square is the max that can be afforded, no way to get more.
On 24th Pop came with the guy whose mother's funeral was before, so we played some cartoon they made ("Kokadudl", which was supposed to be "cock a doodle" related?), and I played some of mine.
In the evening, Gavra converted our celebration money into a liter of Drop (I guess "dalmatian drop", black wine), and Cezar (a fake cognac). We smuggled those into Dom, but Kuža, the bouncer, caught the drop and picked it up.
- bringing alcoholic drinks into Dom is forbidden, if you didn't know
- where is that written?
- it's an unwritten rule, you should know. It is punishable, and slaps may also be working.
So only Cezar remained. We already had a couple of beer bottles empty, so we poured it over, and offered it to folks around. One guy asked "may I do two fingers", "sure" and was he surprised when he noticed it wasn't beer. The goggly eyes and the rest of the face he made, priceless.
Then some little one wanted to talk with me. She knew I made movies, so we got acquainted. Didn't take me long to figure out that she's mad about Jozda so I switched to her friend, and it was all fine until I mentioned birthday. She just didn't believe me, so I pulled out my new ID and showed her, "memorize the address, you'll need it". She was shocked that I was only seventeen. "So what did you think I was?" "Nineteen" "Okay, the usual" "But you're born in fifty five! Only seventeen! I'm fifty-fourth, I don't want any rooks!". So, nothing. Few girls later, Gavra was drunk already, so time to go. Then there was J. who didn't look quite right, said she was coaching a friend for the popravni exam (yup, that time of year) and didn't sleep for two nights, and now two of her friends just vanished so she needs escort. Okay, but then on the way out she wouldn't play, not even to pretend she likes me... so I've had enough and we walked all the way to ruža in a fight. Passes the time faster. Actually I got mad because I understood she was with me just because I was entertaining. Ah no you won't.
Quite restless on 25th, missing Inge, sensing her smells everywhere. Was it all a dream?
In the evening Gavra sent me to divide the friend of the girl he was hitting, and amazingly, she wanted to dance right away. Turns out she's only two weeks older than me, though as usual she thought I was nineteen. She knows me, actually, through some girl from II/1 (now soon III/1), and still guessed me to be nineteen. As usual. Gavra has just invented his line "don't come close or I'll bite your tongue". Two songs before the "who catches what" bloc, he suggested we switch girls. Which was, actually, the plan from the beginning. Actually I got the wrong girl when he sent me - well, I guess we have similar tastes. Or not, this one was a curly black (in serbian we distinguish between crnka - black hair - and smeđa - brunette).
Got a letter from Ines and Rene. They say Rudolf and Bruno visited them, and they went around a lot, made 113 photos. Sent me a thousand kisses (yeah, now you do, thanks).
26th Ilona and Aranka came. Showed them the films (including the prize winners, they were returned; the kayak was excellent). Aranka couldn't believe that these won any prizes... whatever, she gave me a tip that certain Vanja is interested in me. Well, that'd be on ruža so why not.
27th met Linka again, with a few others from KČS, and I stared at one of them. When she finally noticed, she smiled. I approached her, said hi and
- ...barely recognized you.
- so why did you stay there so long
- I've seen so many doubles of people I knew, fooled myself a few times, so now I try to take a better look first
- you know who I am
- Ruška, Bajin.
- you know that too.
- well you left that in my atlas, along with a skull and bones
- you remember that too
Then we danced and talked about my movies, how we're negotiating with Dom to have an evening projection once.
- great
- what great, you haven't seen them
- I did, in elementary, there was some cat.
- Ah, that was blaženko...
And then I went on about "Portrait" and Unesco and bla bla bla. And
- did you know I wanted to be with you since last winter?
- did't know that
- well that was my intention, but never got around to tell you, there was always some frajer with you
- black or blonde?
- was black to me... don't remember though... look I'm sorry to do this in a rush, but seeing as you're in a hurry...
- got to catch a bus
- yeah... I could do you a seven hour show or more but unfortunately it all happens so in a hurry but what can I do, you may be gone tomorrow
- I'll be here tomorrow and the day after
So I almost convinced to give me a try, and... well, saw her to the bus. And I got a promising smile. Though, she got burned on the last guy and wasn't in the mood for anyone. But at least she listened.
Next evening she wasn't in the city. We sat at the horse (ie at the library), had a vinjak or two, then bought a drop and sat by the river. We being Jozda et al. Passed the korzo a dozen times, Ruška wasn't there.
Met her the next evening, and it was a no and she can't tell me the reason. Though, she said the "no" with eyes down to the ground, as if she'd change her mind if she'd look me in the eye. Discussed it up down diagonally and inside out, but in the end it was still a no. Saw her to her bus, considered getting drunk, went home, started reading "Dr Živago". I don't get it, she's so friendly and obviously doesn't mind being in my company, and smiles at me and doesn't avoid me... everything except "nothing wrong with you, this is because of somebody else".
Been to Aćim's place... the guy is nuts. The place is incredible, the atmosphere. His girlfriend's sister was in VIII/4, in rocket sekcija. Showed me some films and slides... he really has ideas. And in act photos he goes for the skin texture, and the huge nipples, didn't imagine such existed, not to just show the cunt and leave it at that one miracle. This is art. He's going to try the academy these days. Wish him luck.
That day and next I was everywhere - mixing concrete for the lab floor in DC-99, Veca and Sneca coming to hear the news in the letter from Rudolf and Bruno, me writing a response, getting more letters (from Lajna and Mačka)... so in the evening I missed Gavra's birthday, so his promise to get me drunk so that I won't know my name is adjourned. Both shots here are from the works in the club - on first it's Bukac under all those diplomas we got in Kula, on second is me, painting the lab, wearing that indestructible t-shirt from last year's trip to Trieste.
And on first the slides from vacation finally arrived. Only three shots, but she turned out just perfect. Only I remember how much prettier she was in reality.
Mentions: Aranka Gnajs, bager, Blaženko, Bosiljka Šain (Bosa), Bruno Kessler, DC-99, Dom omladine, Dragana Vitas (Dragana), Dušan Zlajin (Skule), Dušica Tošin (Duca), frajer, Gavrilo Taroški (Gavra), Gradivoj Buković (Bukac), Ilona Gnajs, Inge Hertmann (Inge), IV4, Jovan Zdanić (Jozda), korzo, Lazar Josin, Marko Popović (Pop), Melanija Merćep (Lajna), Milan Šebrcan (Aćim), Mira Pajin (Linka), popravni, Rudolf Ochsner, ruža, Ružica Bajin (Ruška), sekcija, slava, Slavica Tejin (Tejka), Slavka Vinković, Smiljka Grajin (Miljka), Snežana Stojanović (Sneca), Vasa Šančev, Vera Stojanović (Veca), vinjak, Višnja Lazin, in serbian
1-VIII-2022 - 16-VI-2024